No News is Good News....Bah Humbug!

I know it has been awhile - so this post may go on and on.

Yesterday Raegen's pediatrician refferred her to a pediatric neurologist. For the last year Raegen has been dealing with on and off symptoms that just can't (or haven't yet) be explained. She had fuzzy eyes, tingling and heavy arms and legs, headaches, painful hands, daytime accidents. Back and forth to the doctors with nothing explained. Finally a doctor in the emergency room told us to get her doctor to refer her to a neurologist. A neurologist? WHAT? Both the ER doc and now Rae's doc think it is a neurological problem. The big glaring MS has been brought up a few times. We were hoping to get Rae in before Mike left so he could leave feeling like things were under control. Unfortunately they can't get Rae in till November 25th. Mike and I are obviously scared to death. So please keep Rae Rae and the rest of us for that matter in your prayers.

Mike leaves in 25 days. I am still thinking in the back of my mind that the Navy will cancel....please cancel, please cancel!!! 15 months is such a long time. I am not good at dealing with stress (that's what my shrink told me) and it has been very apparent this past couple of weeks. Mike and I seem to be fighting constantly and I am just having a hard time dealing with things - even little things.

Mike's dad is suffering from brain cancer and isn't expected to live much longer. Mike went home to be with his dad for a week. I know it must have been so hard for him, but I am proud of him.

Home for Christmas isn't looking good. We just don't have the money. It was more important for us to get Mike home to be with his dad.It would cost about $1000 for the kids and I to fly to Omaha. Then there is xmas presents, boarding the dog. I am so upset. I have always either had Mike home or went to Omaha to be with my family for Christmas. This year will be the first time it will be just the kids and I.

With all the bad and stress I am so thankful to have my family and my friends. Whether they are here in Va Bch or far away in another state they love me and are always around to listen. I think sometimes I take them for granted, but I would be so lost without all of them.

So obviously there is a lot going on in the Neaves' house. Please keep us in your thoughts and here's hoping I can stay sane through it all!

The Land of the Brave...

Tonight I am helping Mike pack for an emergency trip to Oregon. We got a call yesterday that his dad's cancer has spread and was given 3 weeks to live. As strong as Mike is I know this is so hard on him and I just wish there was more I could do. I wish I could be with him in Oregon, but that just isn't financially possible right now. So I will stay home, take care of our family and prepare to support him any way I can. I love him so much and while I love his strength, it hurts me to see him so strong sometimes.

The kids are doing so well and are of course sad that Daddy is leaving, especially so close to him leaving for 15 months. Ben and Daddy went to Chuck E. Cheese yesterday and Rae and Daddy took Jack for a nice long walk today. I wasn't there, but I hope that they were able to talk and really have a nice time.

I love my family. I love how strong we are and how we come out on top of anything life has to throw at us. I envy Mike (and the kids even) for their strength and try to muster up my own, if only for show in front of them. Life is good - thanks to my family - even during the hard times.

Pass the Popcorn and Say a Prayer of Forgivness

The kids and I were supposed to go to church last night, but didn't. UGH - I promise Sharon, we will get there! LOL The truth is, my day really got away from me yesterday. I had a goal to get certain things done, and come 2pm the end was not in sight! Plus we hadn't seen much of Mike so I decided to cancel church and have family night.

Our family night was great! We moved our furniture around, popped popcorn, got some Sugar Babies, Twizlers and watched The Golden Compass. It was a lot of fun. We try to do this once a week, but is hard sometimes with Mike's schedule, hence the school night movie night. I love this time with my family. Everyone is snuggled on the couch and no one is bickering or fighting. We go into it knowing we will have a fun, relaxing time as a family and that's what we get out of it.

Till I blog again....

Produce, Jesus and Japamas...

Today is Sunday - where has the weekend gone? Well I spent a good part of it in the laundry room. Where do these kids get all of these clothes? Now I have to put them ALL away! UGH

Some how yesterday I managed to spend $300 at the commissary. That is about double than normal! Idid get a lot of produce and I was hungry and well since we were out of town my coupon stack was quite pathetic.

Last night I took the kiddos to the thrift store (and yes I know I can only do this for a few more years before they realize how "un-cool it is to shop there) for some clothes. I got Rae a real cute pair of Espirit black shoes with pink stitching and about 8 shirts and a pair "japamas" as Ben calls them. Then I got Ben 2 pairs of pants, a nice button up shirt and red converse high-tops. Grand total? $23!!!! That will make up for having to spend over $60 on 2 pairs of jeans for Raegen - all in the name of a big butt! LOL

Today I am finishing up some house work. Yep, the washer and dryer are still running! I am trying to keep the kiddos quiet since Mike is sleeping after working all night. I have to take some pictures of Raegen for her timeline project at school. Speaking of pictures, yes, I know it has been awhile since I have posted any - I will get back to it - promise!

Tonight the kiddos and I are heading to church with Sharon. Not sure if you can call it church since it is more like a rock concert with the set up, noise and amount of people, but I have heard nothing but good things about the church, it's people, and their youth programs. I'll post tomorrow on our experience!

I really need to get my act together! UGH So much going on right now, but I just feel so overwhelmed, I am frozen.

I am really not handling everything well. With all that is going on between my mom and I, my brain has become so scattered and I fear it has gone into hibernation - right along with my motivation! I sit at work and worry about all that needs to be done at home (and isn't). Meanwhile my desk looks like a disaster and my work tasks are multiplying faster than spring bunnies!

Mike is leaving soon and I really need to get ahold of everything. I need to come to grips with everything that has happened in the last few weeks and put it to rest - whatever me decision is (and as of now I have no idea what it may be). I have reached out to Mike and he lovingly listens and agrees, but offers no fuel for the fire, nor does he offer any help in putting it out. I reached out to my dad and he does the same. I understand where they are coming from. It isn't their place to make these decisions nor do they want to be the ones "responsible" for what I may or may not choose too do. I love them both so much for allowing me to vent and being people I can trust to listen and not judge (too harshly anyways).

I guess these are my issues and my challenges. I have decided I need to consult someone with no connections. I need to know if my thought process is too crazy or if I am justified in my thoughts and actions and how to move on with it. I need advise on how to handle this - if only there were easy answers! So I made an appointment to see a counselor. I am hoping this person can shed some light on this situation so I can make a decision and move on. I need to be able to concentrate on the kids and myself. I have to make these next 16 months work as well as possible and I need a clear mind to do that.

I always thought I could figure all of life's ordeals out, but I guess I can't. I guess this time I need help.