What Up?

I know many of you have been concerned and thinking of Ben. He is doing just fine. His enormous scab (dead lip) fell off yesterday. It was a a scary moment for all of us - especially Ben. He had grown accustom to his lip and when the scab fell off and it started bleeding he was very frightened. He sat on my lap for almost an hour needing his mamma's love. He now has a small scab and it has given us a better picture at the scarring he faces.

It has been over two weeks and I still have not heard from my mother. While I can't say I am hurt by her not calling, but I am surprised. Doesn't a mother at any cost want to make amends with her child? How, as a mother, do you live a life without a relationship with one of your children? I am sure she is getting updates through my sister and that may be enough to satisfy her.

Our family is moving forward from all of this (as much as possible anyways). We are now gearing up for Mike's big departure. The kids know now and are handling well - for now. I have had one or two moments of "Oh Crap" and even a little self pitty, but we are all too busy for pitty parties around here.

A big shout out to Rae Rae who lost her 7th tooth! Way to go girl!

Love My Girls

So I was told this is National Girlfriend Week. So today I am honoring my girlfriends. By the way my kids get a kick out of me referring to me friends as my girlfriends! LOL

I don't know where I would be without my girls. They are always there to listen to me whine and let me vent about little things and BIG things. They have no problems dropping what they are doing to conduct an EMNO (emergency mom's night out). Whether it is a shot of vodka, a batter bowl, or a sympathetic ear to listen, my girls are there. It wasn't too long ago I had just moved here and had no one. Barely had a babysitter, Mike deployed and no friends. M~ popped in from Spain and took care of the kiddos and me. Then as if fate knew what I needed S~, B~ and K~ swooped in and gave me the friendship I had been looking for. My girls rock! They know how to have a good time and make a girl feel loved! Thanks Ladies!!!!!!

Who Do You Honor?

You never know where you are going until you have passed your exit! I hate that feeling of "I told you so!"

That feeling of anger and betrayal has swept over me and now I am sitting here to sort it all out and deal with it. I can not understand how a person can be so self absorbed that they constantly look over other's needs for their own. And their own needs aren't even needs, just a desire for other's around them to see them as they need to be seen.

In the last year or so I have been aware that too many times I give up my wants (and even my needs) for others. I find myself not speaking up to avoid others from feeling uneasy or uncomfortable. I tell myself after the fact, at what point do I matter? Last week was the last time. I, in consideration of other's comfort, did not speak up, and my children paid the price. It was a learning experience for me, one I will never forget or lose sight of.

I may no longer have a relationship with my mother, but my bond with my children, my commitment to my children and to MY family is stronger than ever.

I received an email from my father, it was a reply to an email I sent him thanking him for all he has done for me and my children. His response was "it is my honor to have the chance to be a dad to all 3 of you. I honor a great man every time I have a chance to do “dad” things, I had a great dad, I just try to measure up to him. "

I too, have had great people in my life. I have a dad who gave all he had - then dug down deep to find even more - sacrificed and didn't give up, all to give me a life and an upbringing that was ACES!

I had grandparents that loved me and provided love and safety for me.

There is one very special person though, who gave me something I can never explain why, nor can I ever comprehend the impact it had on me and continues to have on me. She gave me unconditional love - when it wasn't in her job description to do so. She kept loving and supporting me, even in my nasty, hateful teenage years. No matter what I threw at her, she waited and loved. She was always there, some how knowing where we would all end up. She has loved my babies and cared for them as the priceless loveys they are. She never took me for granted, but always granted me her love. Though I do not call her Mom, that is what she is. I honor her for all the things she has taught me, for all the times she did the hard things - the things she didn't have to do. I honor her for who she CHOSE to be.

Georgia on my mind...along with other things

Well school is in full swing. Rae is loving 1st grade and Ben is as happy as can be in preschool.

I am still struggling trying to get our house organized. My list grows by the minute and I fear if I really took the time to write it all out I would run away and never look back, leaving my family to live off of Cheetos and frozen pizza while sleeping in piles of laundry....so I stay put.

Don't even get me started on all the projects that I want done around the house. Of course with Mike leaving in November and the extra money coming in, maybe I could actually hire someone to do it!

Next week we will be heading to Georgia for family Thanksgiving...I KNOW IT IS SEPTEMBER!!! It always proves to be a good time!