Pass the Popcorn and Say a Prayer of Forgivness

The kids and I were supposed to go to church last night, but didn't. UGH - I promise Sharon, we will get there! LOL The truth is, my day really got away from me yesterday. I had a goal to get certain things done, and come 2pm the end was not in sight! Plus we hadn't seen much of Mike so I decided to cancel church and have family night.

Our family night was great! We moved our furniture around, popped popcorn, got some Sugar Babies, Twizlers and watched The Golden Compass. It was a lot of fun. We try to do this once a week, but is hard sometimes with Mike's schedule, hence the school night movie night. I love this time with my family. Everyone is snuggled on the couch and no one is bickering or fighting. We go into it knowing we will have a fun, relaxing time as a family and that's what we get out of it.

Till I blog again....

Produce, Jesus and Japamas...

Today is Sunday - where has the weekend gone? Well I spent a good part of it in the laundry room. Where do these kids get all of these clothes? Now I have to put them ALL away! UGH

Some how yesterday I managed to spend $300 at the commissary. That is about double than normal! Idid get a lot of produce and I was hungry and well since we were out of town my coupon stack was quite pathetic.

Last night I took the kiddos to the thrift store (and yes I know I can only do this for a few more years before they realize how "un-cool it is to shop there) for some clothes. I got Rae a real cute pair of Espirit black shoes with pink stitching and about 8 shirts and a pair "japamas" as Ben calls them. Then I got Ben 2 pairs of pants, a nice button up shirt and red converse high-tops. Grand total? $23!!!! That will make up for having to spend over $60 on 2 pairs of jeans for Raegen - all in the name of a big butt! LOL

Today I am finishing up some house work. Yep, the washer and dryer are still running! I am trying to keep the kiddos quiet since Mike is sleeping after working all night. I have to take some pictures of Raegen for her timeline project at school. Speaking of pictures, yes, I know it has been awhile since I have posted any - I will get back to it - promise!

Tonight the kiddos and I are heading to church with Sharon. Not sure if you can call it church since it is more like a rock concert with the set up, noise and amount of people, but I have heard nothing but good things about the church, it's people, and their youth programs. I'll post tomorrow on our experience!

I really need to get my act together! UGH So much going on right now, but I just feel so overwhelmed, I am frozen.

I am really not handling everything well. With all that is going on between my mom and I, my brain has become so scattered and I fear it has gone into hibernation - right along with my motivation! I sit at work and worry about all that needs to be done at home (and isn't). Meanwhile my desk looks like a disaster and my work tasks are multiplying faster than spring bunnies!

Mike is leaving soon and I really need to get ahold of everything. I need to come to grips with everything that has happened in the last few weeks and put it to rest - whatever me decision is (and as of now I have no idea what it may be). I have reached out to Mike and he lovingly listens and agrees, but offers no fuel for the fire, nor does he offer any help in putting it out. I reached out to my dad and he does the same. I understand where they are coming from. It isn't their place to make these decisions nor do they want to be the ones "responsible" for what I may or may not choose too do. I love them both so much for allowing me to vent and being people I can trust to listen and not judge (too harshly anyways).

I guess these are my issues and my challenges. I have decided I need to consult someone with no connections. I need to know if my thought process is too crazy or if I am justified in my thoughts and actions and how to move on with it. I need advise on how to handle this - if only there were easy answers! So I made an appointment to see a counselor. I am hoping this person can shed some light on this situation so I can make a decision and move on. I need to be able to concentrate on the kids and myself. I have to make these next 16 months work as well as possible and I need a clear mind to do that.

I always thought I could figure all of life's ordeals out, but I guess I can't. I guess this time I need help.

What Up?

I know many of you have been concerned and thinking of Ben. He is doing just fine. His enormous scab (dead lip) fell off yesterday. It was a a scary moment for all of us - especially Ben. He had grown accustom to his lip and when the scab fell off and it started bleeding he was very frightened. He sat on my lap for almost an hour needing his mamma's love. He now has a small scab and it has given us a better picture at the scarring he faces.

It has been over two weeks and I still have not heard from my mother. While I can't say I am hurt by her not calling, but I am surprised. Doesn't a mother at any cost want to make amends with her child? How, as a mother, do you live a life without a relationship with one of your children? I am sure she is getting updates through my sister and that may be enough to satisfy her.

Our family is moving forward from all of this (as much as possible anyways). We are now gearing up for Mike's big departure. The kids know now and are handling well - for now. I have had one or two moments of "Oh Crap" and even a little self pitty, but we are all too busy for pitty parties around here.

A big shout out to Rae Rae who lost her 7th tooth! Way to go girl!

Love My Girls

So I was told this is National Girlfriend Week. So today I am honoring my girlfriends. By the way my kids get a kick out of me referring to me friends as my girlfriends! LOL

I don't know where I would be without my girls. They are always there to listen to me whine and let me vent about little things and BIG things. They have no problems dropping what they are doing to conduct an EMNO (emergency mom's night out). Whether it is a shot of vodka, a batter bowl, or a sympathetic ear to listen, my girls are there. It wasn't too long ago I had just moved here and had no one. Barely had a babysitter, Mike deployed and no friends. M~ popped in from Spain and took care of the kiddos and me. Then as if fate knew what I needed S~, B~ and K~ swooped in and gave me the friendship I had been looking for. My girls rock! They know how to have a good time and make a girl feel loved! Thanks Ladies!!!!!!

Who Do You Honor?

You never know where you are going until you have passed your exit! I hate that feeling of "I told you so!"

That feeling of anger and betrayal has swept over me and now I am sitting here to sort it all out and deal with it. I can not understand how a person can be so self absorbed that they constantly look over other's needs for their own. And their own needs aren't even needs, just a desire for other's around them to see them as they need to be seen.

In the last year or so I have been aware that too many times I give up my wants (and even my needs) for others. I find myself not speaking up to avoid others from feeling uneasy or uncomfortable. I tell myself after the fact, at what point do I matter? Last week was the last time. I, in consideration of other's comfort, did not speak up, and my children paid the price. It was a learning experience for me, one I will never forget or lose sight of.

I may no longer have a relationship with my mother, but my bond with my children, my commitment to my children and to MY family is stronger than ever.

I received an email from my father, it was a reply to an email I sent him thanking him for all he has done for me and my children. His response was "it is my honor to have the chance to be a dad to all 3 of you. I honor a great man every time I have a chance to do “dad” things, I had a great dad, I just try to measure up to him. "

I too, have had great people in my life. I have a dad who gave all he had - then dug down deep to find even more - sacrificed and didn't give up, all to give me a life and an upbringing that was ACES!

I had grandparents that loved me and provided love and safety for me.

There is one very special person though, who gave me something I can never explain why, nor can I ever comprehend the impact it had on me and continues to have on me. She gave me unconditional love - when it wasn't in her job description to do so. She kept loving and supporting me, even in my nasty, hateful teenage years. No matter what I threw at her, she waited and loved. She was always there, some how knowing where we would all end up. She has loved my babies and cared for them as the priceless loveys they are. She never took me for granted, but always granted me her love. Though I do not call her Mom, that is what she is. I honor her for all the things she has taught me, for all the times she did the hard things - the things she didn't have to do. I honor her for who she CHOSE to be.

Georgia on my mind...along with other things

Well school is in full swing. Rae is loving 1st grade and Ben is as happy as can be in preschool.

I am still struggling trying to get our house organized. My list grows by the minute and I fear if I really took the time to write it all out I would run away and never look back, leaving my family to live off of Cheetos and frozen pizza while sleeping in piles of laundry....so I stay put.

Don't even get me started on all the projects that I want done around the house. Of course with Mike leaving in November and the extra money coming in, maybe I could actually hire someone to do it!

Next week we will be heading to Georgia for family Thanksgiving...I KNOW IT IS SEPTEMBER!!! It always proves to be a good time!