Who Do You Honor?

You never know where you are going until you have passed your exit! I hate that feeling of "I told you so!"

That feeling of anger and betrayal has swept over me and now I am sitting here to sort it all out and deal with it. I can not understand how a person can be so self absorbed that they constantly look over other's needs for their own. And their own needs aren't even needs, just a desire for other's around them to see them as they need to be seen.

In the last year or so I have been aware that too many times I give up my wants (and even my needs) for others. I find myself not speaking up to avoid others from feeling uneasy or uncomfortable. I tell myself after the fact, at what point do I matter? Last week was the last time. I, in consideration of other's comfort, did not speak up, and my children paid the price. It was a learning experience for me, one I will never forget or lose sight of.

I may no longer have a relationship with my mother, but my bond with my children, my commitment to my children and to MY family is stronger than ever.

I received an email from my father, it was a reply to an email I sent him thanking him for all he has done for me and my children. His response was "it is my honor to have the chance to be a dad to all 3 of you. I honor a great man every time I have a chance to do “dad” things, I had a great dad, I just try to measure up to him. "

I too, have had great people in my life. I have a dad who gave all he had - then dug down deep to find even more - sacrificed and didn't give up, all to give me a life and an upbringing that was ACES!

I had grandparents that loved me and provided love and safety for me.

There is one very special person though, who gave me something I can never explain why, nor can I ever comprehend the impact it had on me and continues to have on me. She gave me unconditional love - when it wasn't in her job description to do so. She kept loving and supporting me, even in my nasty, hateful teenage years. No matter what I threw at her, she waited and loved. She was always there, some how knowing where we would all end up. She has loved my babies and cared for them as the priceless loveys they are. She never took me for granted, but always granted me her love. Though I do not call her Mom, that is what she is. I honor her for all the things she has taught me, for all the times she did the hard things - the things she didn't have to do. I honor her for who she CHOSE to be.